There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
