Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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