Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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