Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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