Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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