I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
