Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
