i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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