i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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