It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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