I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i drank out of a bidet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
