He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
