I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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