Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
