I wish you could order shots online.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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