So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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