My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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