im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
