i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
