We're facebook friends in real life
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
