well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize