I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
