My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize