yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So many bounce houses so little time
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
