smell my finger.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
