There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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