You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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