yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
