she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
