This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
