you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
