i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
