like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
