Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
