I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize