You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
