how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
