Soap is not a condiment
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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