Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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