I'm so fucking centered right now
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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