I smell stomach acid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
