i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
