your parents love me but you hate me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
