After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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