Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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