I threw up into my coffee this morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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