Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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