Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
