When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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