dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
