Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
