i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
