I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
