He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
