This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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