Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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