I can text with my tongue
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
