Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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