Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
