just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
