I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
