Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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