Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
