I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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