I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
