My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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