do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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