if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
