Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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