I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
