I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
