wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
