dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
