yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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