We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dick very happy bro
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
