shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
