Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
