quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
