giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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