Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just forgot I was standing up.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
