break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
