my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
