I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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