I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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