the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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