My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just had sex bonerless
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
