I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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