I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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