Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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