I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
