So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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