I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I looked at my own cervix.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize