So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
