It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
