I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
