someone threw a dead crab at me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
