gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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