Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
