its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
